Questions of Purpose [Savvy]

"Vladimir, please understand. It wasn't you who upset me, I promise. It was I. When I was born, my parents died soon after. So I was alone. I was sent to this family who hated me, and I was always alone. I was often tricked, since I was so young, into 'hiding', but they'd never come find me. Ever. I would soon leave. I had had enough of this, and left, and I've only had the occasional wolf, and usually, I'd get sick and tired and leave the wolf to their business. I just want company, where I'm not wondering when the next time I'm going to have a conversation is,"

Vladimir flinched at her words mentally; she didn’t even have the decent moment of actually meeting her parents. Solitude greeted her soon after birth, and then she was sent to be neglected. She was confused on how to interact with other it seemed. Solitude had become her best friend and the story she unfolded was not one he had expected. He felt something rip at him, in his thoughts and "heart", he wasn’t sure it exactly what it was but he wanted to fix whatever it was. He also wanted to fix the little she-wolf in front of him. He gazed back down at her not being able to rip a part the staring contest they were having. How was he supposed to help her and he didn’t know how, she had been the first wolf he had wanted to help on his own and it slightly frightened him. She was pulling out emotions he hadn’t know he could have it was bothering him mentally.

How am I supposed to show comfort to this she-wolf when I’m not certain how?

This thought caused an internal battle almost immediately; he wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this. He was a murderer ruthless and careless and yet now he seems to be caring. His mind worried about her thoughts, her feelings and he hadn’t had that not even with his sister. Part of him told him to stop acting so out of character while the other side demanded he embraced whatever he felt. What was he to do?

“You’ll never be able to show any compassion Vladimir your too ruthless for your own good, despite your gentle approach you hold a monster inside and can’t keep it concealed all the time. You'll never be able to have the normality of things like I can.”

His little sister’s words mocked him, she was right caring just wasn’t held with in him or so he thought long ago. Now he wasn’t so certain, he was still a monster and that bothered him now. It never had, being ruthless had once been pleasing to him but now it made him frustrated. He didn’t want to hurt the delicate gift the world had suddenly presented to him. It seemed like the universe had done such just to test him to see how long he could last without returning to the side of him, his forsaken father had created long in the dust of the stars. He let out a small growl forgetting that Savvy was still present with him. His tail lashed back and forth slicing the air molecules as he let images form in his mind creating a movie. It was as if the world did this to him on purpose, watched his father make him a monster and then tempted him to be normal. How could he ever be a lover to someone if he was a murderer? How could he be a father? A brother? A friend? Did he even know the meaning of friendship? Trust?

He was just a knowledge thirsty ruthless killer who was in search of one answer.Why? Why did the universe let me become this way? Why was he still alive? Why did I have to kill my father? Why did I let my sister become separate from me? Just why? And the thing that disturbed him most was now that he realized he’d get mildly close to wolves and reveal a little to them and ask why. If they answer didn’t seem reasonable he’d hurt them for now healing him. He wasn’t correct in that matter but it satisfied him for that moment. Now he was at it again, but this time a challenge was purposed. He was forming feelings he hadn’t before, something along the lines of what his mother called a crush, or love.

His eye borrows furrowed in confusion as he let out a small sigh, and just like that all the rapid thoughts crashed into a still surface like a body of water undisturbed. His attention flickered back to Savvy as he looked over the beautiful creature before him, he felt the urge to apologize or just turn and leave. But he knew better this conflict needed to stay within him. If he announced it only more problems would erupt from within him and outside of him. He parted his large jaws a spoke in such a tranquil manner the only reason you would know chaos had just been released in his mind was the glimmer in his amber eyes as he tried to conceal it completely.

“You were punished by the world and I yet to see why. Maybe to be a challenge for you so they can see if you’ll sink or swim. Perhaps just because, I couldn’t possibly know but I do know if you long for company you are always welcome to dwell in mine. I apologize for speaking in such a authoritative manner earlier, forgive me Savvy?”

His head drummed at him and another voice in his head called him stupid. Perhaps he had been stupid for still pushing to be with the she-wolf but it was clear the universe, Mother Nature had done such on purpose. Perhaps this was his final challenge and what a great challenge it would be, to control himself and still break through new heights he hadn’t been. This was something he had to do alone or maybe not, he would find out eventually. Vladimir had never been one to run away from challenges no matter how difficult they might display. His eyes still locked with Savvy finally allowed themselves to blink slowly. Once I open them, the challenge shall begin.